Talk, talk and talk some more
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 Eleanor Roosevelt famously once said "Learn from the mistakes of others; you can't live long enough to make them all yourself."

In striking a healthy work-life balance, as with most things in life, there is little point waiting until you discover all the pitfalls for yourself. However unusual your situation, the chances are that others have walked a similar path to the one you're walking now. It makes sense to find out from other parents a bit about what's worked (or not worked) for them.

For most of the time it's just a natural thing. We encounter friends who are at similar life-stages to us and easily identify with them and their circumstances. Sometimes, however, a slightly more formal approach is needed. You don't need to hop up onto the psychiatrist's couch whenever you go out for a drink with friends, but working at building a small network of people who you can ask for advice, insight and opinion is well worth the effort. Quality, not quantity is the name of the game.

For starters, an honest, independent view can help you to see the wood for the trees and provide you with real alternatives for solving particular problems. It can remind you that you're not on your own. At a deeper level, it can reassure you that others think you're doing a good job and you've got the balance right. And of course, there's a good reason for the saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' - it often is.

Of course, eliciting advice from others may also come at cost - especially if you're asking them to be honest with you - but it’s surely a price worth paying if it means you can manage to get your work and home life into some kind of balance.


1. Talk to your partner

An obvious thing to say, but the experience of many working parents in a relationship is that this is the kind of talking that dries up first. Juggling life as a parent and an employee is hard work. Very often the last thing we want to do after a hard day is to have a talk (you know, a talk), but it is very important that we do.

• Resist the temptation to switch on the TV every evening
• Set time aside where you can really talk - put it in the diary if that's the way to make it happen.
• When you talk, be honest about how you feel, but try to do more listening than talking
• Talk over what's going on in your life - it’s easy to assume your partner already knows - and listen to what's going on in theirs.
• Share thoughts with each other about your expectations of yourselves as parents
• Talk about practical ways of sharing the load and creating ways for you to spend better time together


2. Talk to people who are like you

Parents who are in similar situations to you can be a goldmine of reassurance, laughter and practical help. Talk to working mums and dads who have children the same age as yours - take the opportunity to swap success stories and be honest about the trials. They can tell you about they are finding things themselves and whether it works or doesn’t work for them. And there's no reason why it should be one way traffic, either - your experiences will provide them with insights and ideas to help them in their day to day parenting too.


3. Talk to people who aren't like you

As well as talking to your partner and other parents in similar situations to yours, talk to older, respected friends, who may have been through the work/life balance thing some time ago. The likelihood is that, if they know you well, they will be able to provide objective insight into your situation.

Take one couple, for example, who were having problems with their teenage son and daughter. They felt that they had simply run out of ideas (and energy) and so they decided to take the rather drastic step of inviting two of their closest friends to live with them for a week. The children were none the wiser - it was a fairly regular occurrence that these friends stayed over. Family life went on, as normal, for the week.

On Friday night, however, the couple went out for a meal with their friends and spent the evening asking for honest feedback on their parenting 'style'. They listened carefully to what their friends had to say - the good and the not so good. Later, on their own, they talked about any changes that they needed to make for the future. The parents still maintain it was one of the most valuable things they have ever done. No-one is suggesting that each of us should follow exactly what this family did, but the gist of what they were trying to achieve must be worth thinking about.


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